Me, My Life, My Thoughts

My Life

2011-03-16T08:21:00.001-07:00

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
My fate is yet unsure,
My soul far from pure.
This is my life, and I would not live it another way.

My Life

2011-03-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
My fate is yet unsure,
My soul far from pure.
This is my life, and I would not live it another way.

Time and Space

2010-10-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you have too much in one context, and too little in another.
Life goes on. I'll try and come around more often.

Making it as a Photographer

2010-06-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

Disclaimers:

I haven't yet made it as a photographer. I would however in the same breath say that I've done some things right.
I am definitely not the best person for this.

So, someone on Facebook - who added me after dropping by my website, was asking me for suggestions and advice etc. He went on to suggest I write something like what I hope this post looks like - as something people just starting out can look at for pointers.

So here are my two pence on the things one should / should not do.

Test Waters

Before deciding to get yourself that uber cool SLR, and damaging your pockets deeply in the process, it would be more than advisable to test waters. What I mean by this is doing photography with whatever tools and devices you have at hand - borrowing a friends SLR occasionally if possible. See how much you like to click, and equally importantly, see what people think of what you click. There will be both bricks and bouquets, but try and judge the feedback with an unbiased stance.

Once you've done this for a while - you'll have a better idea of whether you really want to do this, and whether you can. Each as important as the other.

The SLR & Starting Gear

So now, you feel a tad more confident and willing to do what needs be done to try and take your photography to the next level.

An SLR is the obvious next step. Here I'll just say that get yourself something a little higher end than you're comfortable with.

Why - Essentially, because a camera body is an investment thats going to stick around with you for decently long. You may get an array of lenses, but you getting a new camera body is a little less likely. It will mean you have to dish out extra money - in the long run, it'll turn out to be worth it.

Coming to the most FAQ as far as SLR choices go - Canon / Nikon.

Though I'm myself a Canon person, I think the best way to decide is to decide on a camera by each - and then go the stores and play around with it feel it.

Obviously internet research, blogs, comparisons, flickr camera popularity details should all be taken into account, but nothing as much as your comfort with the camera.

Also, starting out - getting more gear (lenses, tripod, a hi-fi camera bag) may not be the best idea. Take some time getting comfortable, seeing what sort of pictures you like to click, and then choose lenses etc appropriate for that genre.

Photo-blog

In my opinion, it makes most sense to buy a domain name, online space and set up your own website. Pixelpost is one of the best services to enable photo hosting on your domain name with some brilliant free of cost templates and a very convenient organised portal for uploading pictures.

Also, set up a google analytics account for your website. It helps in tracking traffic on the website in as much detail as you might need. A brilliant source on telling you how effective the methods you might use to spread work are.

Spreading your Work

There are a few good ways of doing this. A LOT of them being internet based of course.

Twitter

Facebook

Photo Sharing Sites

Other online stuff

One thing that should be very evident from this section is that I have been focussing a LOT on increasing traffic to the website, even though this might not convert to sales of any sort. It is important because as people see, and hopefully like your work - it will have a good recall, so when an opportunity or need arises, they do think of you.

Now some non internet based stuff I have done, and found to work.

Exhibition

Word of Mouth

Miscellaneous

This is most of what I wanted to put down for now. I will add more to this or post more stuff as and when I think of things I might have left out.
Here's wishing you and I all the best in our endeavours to pursue passion.
Cheers!

PS- drop by at my website www.abhishekaggy.com

Hank Moody

2010-05-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

This post isn't about Hank Moody, or Californication.

It's about me. My life. My screw ups. My bastard self. My depravity. My damnation!

What do you do if you've fucked up too much. What do you do then?

I can't glue back the hundreds of plates you've broken back there, I can't undo the damage, can't change the evidence on that scale of judgement.

Tormented by the shredding going on inside, not once in a week, or every morning, but continually. To have, at the back of my turd shaped brain, the knowledge and the pain of being a destroyer. Self destruction - no, not that, that's not the tumour, that isn't the answer as Chuck might had have us believe either. Some argue that it might be the answer to getting laid but, not to life, no it isn't.

The destruction and violent defiling, with the appearance of grace and elegance of a dying blue blood royalty, of all love and beauty around in the shit pot of an excuse I call 'a life', is the fucking tumour. The sadness of knowing that I cannot possibly be much more than a horny, despicable, idiosyncratic, douche bag with the mental capacity of a pre teen kid, and that the impulses to change that don't last too long - because, I don't have a pair; or just maybe because I do.

Gun to your head in a store - life flashing by. What do you see?

I see some extremely messed up shit, some bad decisions.

In all fairness, there are better than good things too, but this isn't about those, so I'm going to let them pass by unnoticed. For now.

I see bridges burned, one way roads taken, innocence lost, mistakes done, and redone, and redone a few more times. I see treasures lost, people hurt irreparably, times lost, myself lost.

Lost in a deluging and seemingly beautiful and calm sea of nothingness, with those few moments on the shore - when I see a spade to be a spade. And myself for what I am. Then I go light the fire between the lips, pick the bottle and get to business.

End of the day, or the morning after - What's inside the human pumping mechanism, and I don't mean the ejaculatory system.

Another step towards what I know I don't want to end up in. Another step away from the one thing I should fly towards. Another step to damnation; Oh! Wait, I was there a long time back already.

Remorse. A kick in the balls. A solid shake - a wake up call. Thats what I feel like. Then I either sleep off, or wake up either ways - to the fictional life in a self conceived world I imagine myself to be living. A desperate wish for me to get up and realise it was all a dream. A good bad dream, the ones you thank for happening.

The blame. Who do you blame; yourself - never!!!

I mean for real!! I can't remember when I blamed myself for this - to myself and to the people around, I give some garbage about things in life happening and changing you - but what the fuck! I made the choices. I know it, hell everybody knows it. Hell even she knows it. She might hate herself for it somewhere, but the truth is, she made her choices and I mine. She is no way responsible for my depravity.

I think its high time I need to accept that I am the master of my fate; the captain of my soul.

And since I think I know what I want the compass bearing to read, time I turn that helm the right way.

Adios.

To a life worth dying for.

Updates

2010-05-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

Been away from here for quite long now - and the essential reason being my other website which I'm dedicating most of my time to.

www.abhishekaggy.com - my portal for my photography.

Apart from that, travelling to the Andamans, then Mumbai had me busy and a lot of work with Dad about things once I was back to Delhi.

Work starts Jun 1, in Mumbai, got a house (on rent obv) in Colaba - love the locality and all - wont be doing the local train bit for work at least so happy about that!!!

Check out the site, sorry to be away.

Love.

Of Late

2010-03-05T06:02:00.000-08:00

I'm all lost. The only solution I can think of and want to choose right now - delve myself insanely deeply into work and just kill one self with it. By work I mean bullet point targets/goals and working towards them.

Read. (Please pour in suggestions.)
Photography Exhibition.
Photography/Blooging related contributions to certain publications.
Travel. Like Mad.
Work with a friends start up.
Blow up some serious money on stupid shit.
Get into a exercise routine to check the belly that IS inevitable in the working world.
Make something for a certain someone.
Figure out online trading n how it works etc.
Get a not detailed brief on filing tax returns.

A lot I see I managed to put down. Lets see how much of it I can get done.. I do think all of them are near critically important as such.

Love. Wish me luck.

And applicable for some - forgive me where I have done you wrong.

Rejuvination of sorts?

2010-01-16T03:12:00.000-08:00

Been waiting for something for a very long time, to the extent that it had begun ruling my mind, my life and me in most senses. I'm still waiting for the record, but decided to take it off the pedestal I'd put it on and begin to look at things a little more clearly, realistically and practically!!

Unfortunately, this change warrants that I stop doing, albeit temporarily, a lot of the things I have been and want to still - posting here, improving/updating my photoblog (www.abhishekaggy.com), taking out a fantastic third edition of Literati (IIMA's literary magazine), playing basketball and frisbee all day and night, going on trips here and there, bonding with people and getting to know them better, growing my hair - braiding n beading them, messing around with my beard (I'll now have to trim, shave respectively) and so many more things.

It's heartbreaking to me, as I had long looked forward to this three months full of all these activities and more, but well, we don't always get what we want.

Here's to me as I 'move on'.

Update

2010-01-12T08:50:00.001-08:00

There are a lot of things I need to do and change. This is a reminder to myself pretty much to start.

My photoblog

2010-01-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been missing from action from here for more than a month now - and I'm going to tell you what I've been working on.
My photoblog; a conscious effort to take my photography to another level to make sure I don't let this passion (as a few others) succumb to the pressures of life and die out.
I bought space and a domain online, and have set up 'shop' at www.abhishekaggy.com.
I would love for you all to check it out and bring back the comments etc here, on the site, or on facebook.
My ulterior motives are that I'm looking to go semi professional (whatever that means!!) and would thus welcome any business ideas and prospective customers.
Thanks a ton.

Blog posts coming up soon, the pot of my pensive mind needs some expression!
=)
Loads of love. I've missed being here.

Thoughts/activities of a train trip

2009-12-01T12:10:00.001-08:00

1. I really want to have a dog.
2. Danced away to 'holi khele raghubeera' playing on my iPod.
3. Reading entire true stories from my life in the form of entire SMS conversations some spanning even years.
4. Attempting to write a poem.
5. Listening only to songs I hadn't heard before.
6. Looking back and sort of missing/thinking about people, from whom I've drifted apart. Wanting to call them, but knowing I can't.
7. Recalling the recent (not too pleasantl) dreams I've had.
8. Contemplating making a bucket list for myself. It will probably have a few ticks already.
9. Making friends with Tee Jay, a dog on the train.
10. Realising I desperately need a good long hot shower!
11. Missing horses and horse riding. :-/

To an unknown person

2009-11-26T00:22:00.001-08:00

To a certain Gaurav Jain's friend as he told me (and other anonymous commenters, readers who don't comment).

You sit so content and quiet there,
Reading in your rocking chair.
The words I with fiery passion write,
To you seem lame or bring delight?

I would love to know, which of those,
You find in my words, I so carefully chose.
Brickbats boquets, I welcome them all,
I just want to know I'm read afterall!!

:-)
Written at an airport enroute to tromso where in going to see the northern lights (pray for me on that count). And this the shortness of the poem. Might add more later.

Weaving Dreams.

2009-11-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Tears in my green eyes,
are now a common sight..

Behold this world of lies,
where nothing seems right..

All my hopes, desires and a dream,
I thought the world was just and fair,
how sour but was this cream,
of the world my lair..

Now so high is my fear,
that years on I do not dare,
that my eye may shed a tear,
and I lose one for whom I care..

Now as I start to leave,
the tears you fell for me,
help me to tenderly weave,
a plethora of dreams to see...

Untitled 3

2009-11-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Lying awake in each others arms,
cuddled up in the early morn,
falling prey to each others charms,
I'd say, quintessentially lovelorn...

The light grows and the birds awaken,
the time of parting comes even closer,
kiss in haste, our embrace we tighten,
soon must we bid adieu to one another...

The goodbyes said, the parting kiss done,
I walk on home, in the fiery break of dawn,
etched in memory, the night shall remain,
lovely and tender, yet perhaps, a cause of pain...

Untitled -2

2009-11-07T13:22:00.001-08:00

Are we living a moment at a time.
or
Are we dying a moment at a time.

Untitled.

2009-11-07T13:14:00.001-08:00

Not the happiest man in the world perhaps,
as I see the hands on the clock move so fast,
Not the saddest man in the world for sure,
as I fulfill dreams, and dream some more...

Wondering what it could behold, the future i mean,
me hobbling on a cane, greyed, wrinkled and lean,
that I know will happen, and have long with made peace,
it is not my worry or anxiety, the time of my decease...

For on my mind are simple questions galore,
of life down the lane, five-ten years, maybe more,
oft I find myself wanting to move far ahead in time,
only to wake to reality on the sound of the clock chime...

Eurotrip

2009-09-22T13:20:00.001-07:00

Contemplating starting blogging on the go at the cost of some sleep n
peace!!

Poem 1

2009-08-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

Now as confusion deep within me,
Tries to shake me off my stand,
And in the mist ahead I try to see,
As my ship awaits earnestly some land….

Oh! The white crystal is so clear,
My destiny no longer to me hazy,
What then is it that I fear,
This thought drives me crazy…..

A beautiful evergreen love.
Which had I long sought in vain,
Into it, now myself do I shove,
The answer to all my pain????

The years gone by but still I see,
My death being mourned by none,
A nightmare that’s haunted me,
Ever since my parents had a son……

Poems

2009-08-16T08:39:00.001-07:00

Now I'm gonna start on a series of poems I've written long back. A lot of them you would, correctly so, find infantile and naive and kiddish.
They are quite personal, so be a bit kind, and they are of when I was infantile and naive and kiddish!.

A minute at a time.

2009-08-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

4:14 am on a late Thursday night.
Half a can of beer.
Alone.
In the mood to enjoy the company of those I like best - solitude thus being apt.

Is it in man's fundamental nature to be lazy.
Is it possible to be indifferent.
Is it possible to look death in the eye.
Does it make sense to live for the moment.

A barrage of questions pop in and out of the basket that is my mind.
Answers hide in oblivion, not that I complain.
This isn't a night where I'm seeking answers.

It's a night I'm choosing to just be.
Just be what I am, do what I feel like, say what I wish.
I realised it had been a while I hadn't done that.

Why does that happen I wonder? Why do we drift off and become someone we aren't in the race of life? Are we merely living upto expectations - of ourselves, of others etc, or a random drift we become aware of only when the cognitive dissonance is too much to bear.

I wonder.
I drift.
I come back only to drift away again. Occasionally, I like the drift, and change my own course.

Over and over.

The clock ticks away. I am living, dying, a minute at a time.
I like that I'm living and dying on my own terms, a minute at a time.
Amen.

Dark Desires

2009-07-31T02:04:00.000-07:00

I see the world around quite troubled,
For now many a desire of mankind,
Doth lie hidden, bound and shackled,
By chains we made up in our minds.

Oft when we know what we truly want,
We disguise it for the fear of being judged,
Not by family, friends, peers or society,
But bybthe very mind which within,
Harbours those dark disguised desires.

Perhaps you, I, we all wish thus is were not,
But even my dememented, handicapped brain,
Sees it to be a mark of the progress of our civilized lot,
The power of human will to fight away dark desires,
To behold joys unknown to our fire fathers in caves...

-- The thought's spoken of here aren't quite crystal in mind yet, so forgive me for vagueness or any ambiguity in the meaning.

Flying Dutchmen of Ultimate Frisbee

2009-07-05T02:27:00.000-07:00

A breezy saturday evening, and the beautiful LKP lawns lit with floodlight - an
almost perfect day was made even better with some spectacular ultimate frisbee
display tonite.
The three teams - Stormchasers(Mumbai), Indicorp(Ahmedabad) and Flying
Dutchmen(IIMA) were out for some great contest on the opening day of the
Ultimate Frisbee Challenge. And guess what home team dominated just the way all
the home supporters expected beating both the opposing teams quite
comprehensively.

The results :
Match 1: Indicorp beat S'chasers 18-16
Match 2: Flying D'men beat Indicorp 27-17
Match 3: Flying D'men beat S'chasers 25-12

Indicorp were led by the brilliant combination of their 2 star players Jai and
Jesse. One of the youngster (prob Jiga) also showed some spectacular throws and
collects. Jesse's 12 feet high collect, flying over 2 offense players and one
of his teammates was the kodak moment of the first match. The Indicorp team
deserves a special appreciation for the fact that it was mixed gender team
making life really tough for all men opposition team.

Stormchasers put up a good fight in the first game but really lost the plot
against in the 2nd game against the Flying Dutchmen.They had a great thrower in
Sanal and a few good chasers in Qwick and Jhonny, but it seemed the team had a
few less experienced people as well and this cost them the game. But great
spirit shown by them in coming over from Mumbai and making this event
possible.

Flying Dutchmen were the team of the day (or night- considering they played
both their matches back to back after 9pm). May be no star players like Jesse
or Jai but the team was a really well balanced unit with no apparent weakness.
Defense was resilient and impressive to watch , offense was lightning fast
leaving the opposition defense chasing ghosts. The domination was so obvious
that in the 2nd half of the last game they were scoring freely even with the
reserves.
On a technical note - just need to iron out our throwing to make sure that
fewer turnovers happen.

All in all a great day of competition. Some great sporting spirit and some
great competetive frisbee. Hoping for a even greater final tomm at 9::30 pm,
same venue.

Life as I see it.

2009-06-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

You're living a normal early teenage life. Doing what you so desire, top of the rung, happy.
Shit happens.
It breaks you - as a person, as a success in your own eyes in many other countless ways.
You reduce yourself to near nothingness. Much like a carcass disintegrating decidedly but ever so slowly, you gather the strength to get on to your feet. Life as you see it now has changed. Nothing could ever be the same again.
You become cold as you move on in life. Things just refuse to matter anymore. You can go the distance alone, or so you feel. You are happy alone. You think/love nought but yourself.
Cuts and bruises genuinely hurt a little less. There is focus in life, but most of it centered around your own self.
People refuse to understand you anymore. Friends drift apart, people get madly pissed at you. People you once cared for, are hurting badly and need you more than ever. Yet, you are indifferent inside, don't quite care and are content for the most of it.

Yet you are passionate, very much alive - for things you believe in, for things you want, for things that revolve mostly around you. You are living for yourself.

This is what I have found life to be. This is how I would define life progress, perhaps even success in a weird, contorted and twisted manner.

Back

2009-06-11T10:07:00.001-07:00

Back to campus, totally enthused about second year and all that comes along with it.
:)

Being Twenty Something

2009-04-13T06:20:00.001-07:00

I didn't write this myself, but was something a friend mailed to me.
Found it to be quite accurate and true.
Sigh!!

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

Whats New

2009-03-22T03:39:00.000-07:00

1. Working hard.
2. Leaving for London soon. Yipee. =)
3. Got an exchange programme at Bergen, Norway in September. Yipee again. =)
4. Bought a Canon 70-300 IS lens.
5. Miss my turtles. (No they not dead, just at a friends place).
6. 'Dry'.

Myself - Uninhibited

2009-03-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

This is from a Note I'd written on Facebook. Basically stuff about me - uninhibited - a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about me.

1. I drink a lot. And I am not ashamed of it.

2. I love experimenting with my appearance. I've tried some really crazy looks, and pulled them off decently.

3. I have very rough hands and I often wish they were soft.

4. I believe it is possible to love two (or more) women with near equal passion and truthfulness at the same time.

5. I have a messy room, always, and I like it that way.

6. Despite an apparently very tough exterior, I am a very sensitive person and often have emotional times.

7. I have a 'muh boli behen' in IIMA, in whose lap and shoulder I have found the strength in my weakest times. I've cried four times in IIMA, all in her arms.

8. I love my gadgets very very much and believe I make excellent choices in these matters - My iPhone, my Canon 40D, my MacBook Pro.

9. I have a highly irritating habit of getting after people to read my blog and see my photography.

10. I had this habit of exaggerating my vices. It's on the back burner now.

11. I have hurt people in my life, worse I forgave myself for those times too easily, too soon. I hate that.

12. I love money. Having it, spending it, the smell of it, the look of it.

13. I don't miss anyone. Ever.

14. I detest watching TV. I have been brought up in a home where there were four in the garage, but none set up. It's the biggest waste of time.

15. I love sports - not watching them, on TV/live etc, but being there, playing them.

16. I like to wear clothes two sizes too big for me.

17. I'm not afraid of death, it freaks my parents out. I want to see my death coming.

18. I've the bestest best friends, (two - Ankit and Saniya) one could EVER ask for.

19. I have a thing for clean feet - like toes and all.

20. I believe in the power of the mind. It's my biggest source of strength.

21. I love animals. Yet, I love eating them. I don't see anything wrong in either.

22. I HATE the Indian concept and traditions of marriage.

23. I believe I am quite the typical Aquarius.

24. I'm very proud of having achieved success and climbed pedestals at a very young age, what it takes people much longer to do.

25. I oscillate between being indifferent about what people think of me, and thinking about it for hours.

Another 25.

1. I like to live, be and look like a hippie.

2. I ADORE the Brit accent.

3. I haven't met too many people as well rounded as myself.

4. I have to smoke immediately after sex.

5. I prefer vodka to whisky.

6. I like challenges.

7. I am either passionate about nothing, or about too many things.

8. I love doing crossover roles in dramatics.

9. I have learnt that it is easier to say it and deal with the consequences than to wonder "What if?"

10. I have not learnt to say it too well.

11. I believe sleeping is a waste of time.

12. Basketball can turn me on. So can a woman with a cigarette in her lips.

13. I am an attention seeker, and correspondingly insecure in the lack of it.

14. I waste time and then I curse myself.

15. I would support a wrong argument simply for the fun of it.

16. I am both - a lazy bum and a hyperactive brat.

17. I do not respect age (to some extent). I'm not sure if it's a bad thing.

18. I believe in friendship far more than blood relations.

19. I sleep with three pillows, and love to smell them.

20. I could be a victim of MPD.

21. I want to have a disorder like MPD.

22. I hate yellow gold, love platinum.

23. I want to be the Fool on the Hill, the Man who cant be moved, and much more.

24. I don't think I am capable of hate.

25. I sometimes wear the same underwear inside out, so as to delay doing the laundry.

Photo Album

2009-03-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

I finally created my online photo album. Though I've made it sound like something fancy, it's just a regular picasa thing.
http://picasaweb.google.com/abhishekaggy
Do have a look sometime.
Danke!

My Pets

2009-03-02T05:11:00.000-08:00

These are my new pets. I love them.
Muuaaaaaahhh!!

Of a Union, So Perfect

2009-02-24T06:06:00.000-08:00

Above, are the hands of my sister, Deepti, and her husband, Akshat, who just got married on the 19th of February 2009.
Wishing them a long and happy married life and kids just like me.
:)

Gentle Cringe

2009-02-23T09:43:00.001-08:00

Something someone wrote for me.
Do comment, I'm sure she would read them here.

Gliding unseen,But surly felt,
Unscolding touch,Escapable grasp,Of writhing arms.

A gentle cringe,Not so subtle heave.
As perspiration echoes,From wall to wall.Falling like tears.

Morose stare,Through Jaded glass,
Sullen temperament,Ensnared,Coupled in the silent,Motion.

Upon an agreed gasp,Palpable scent of each other,
Consumes emptiness,To falter and settle.
As they do in one another.

Unwashed

2009-02-23T08:01:00.001-08:00

Thou lay there, in silence,
seen, felt, but not heard,
thought worth not twopence,
fluttering away like a bird.

I choose to do nothing about thee,
reaching heights of procrastination,
choosing to overlook the work I see,
looking at your dastardly condition.

I need to wash my laundry!!!!! And stop writing poems about it!!!!
Arrrrrrggghhh!!!!

Ummm

2009-02-20T03:41:00.000-08:00

Bright red hair, and a quirky dame,
free, yet suppressed, queer, yet pretty,
she is one that you cannot tame,
I lose my speech my remarks no longer witty,
When flashes across my mind, her name.

I sat contemplating whether to let flow my words,
as a simple blog entry or as exquisite poetry,
with sounds gentle as the fluttering of love birds,
or of words written simply yet pleasant to thee.

I started jotting down this prose,
for it befitted the lovely lady,
rare, perhaps as a blue rose,
and yet quite scarily shady.

Hazel brown eyes, bright blue glasses,
a multitude of tics, and quirky as hell,
those abrupt, blunt, so often backlashes,
followed by a soft, gentle and charming spell.

She is a rare pearl, this I have come to know,
Brief moments with her, are ones to recall,
Alas! There is no future for 'us' where we may go,
And we finding ourselves doing nothing but stall.

There is something of our own we could have,
special, memorable, joyous, and carefree,
She quite wants it too, this suspicion I have,
Why then does she makes it so difficult for me.

The Gift of Writing, WAC

2009-02-07T05:40:00.000-08:00

Alas! My dearest, you stole it away,
a gift I had, so precious and prized,
as I poured my heart out into you,
as I smiled every moment I was with thee.

Without it, I suffer each passing day,
I feel no pain, but rather devitalized,
as I see my precious bid me adieu,
capable of nothing, but staring blankly.

I need to find it, so I hope and pray,
it is not something that can be apprised,
thinking thus, my efforts I renew,
to reunite with what belongs to me.

Success I find, in writing a long piece, say,
of a wine estate, so many have despised,
and slowly my precious came into view,
embracing me, making me jump with glee.

Thank God I found you, and didn't go astray,
not only for my blog were you, I surmised,
WAC my dear, is impossible, without you,
Know this my dear - my gift of writing.

2009-02-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

Just pushed the restart button in life.

Of An Exquisite Experience

2009-02-02T06:08:00.000-08:00

Finally legal!
Yes, it was my 21st birthday day before yesterday - the 1st of February. I'm legal as it is said once you cross this age barrier.
I'll start on a very different note from what this post it actually about because coming straight to the point, just doesn't fit.
A three day weekend thanks to Chaos (the IIMA Cultural Fest) saw me making a beeline out of Ahmedabad, to Udaipur this time. Yes, I missed Chaos, one of the best fun occasions in IIMA life, for a three day weekend at Udaipur, with a trip to Mt. Abu thrown in. Oh! Did I mention that the person most important to me came down from Delhi, to be with me on my birthday and for the trip.
Day 1. (30th)
I reached Udaipur at 3:30 am, a good four hours before her train was to reach, feeling extremely stoned and sleepy. A brief nap later, I was at the station waiting to welcome them (she came with her other best friend, a lady). To see her walking up, smiling like mad, hyper like a bee and pure, lit up a warmth I rarely feel these a days. We spent the rest of the sightseeing et al, I'll leave the details of the city to some other time. The palace, a crystal gallery, a beautiful sunset are some of the highlights.
Day 2.
We headed for Mt. Abu, braving bad roads, tons of dust and rally bus driving to reach there, and then immediately go out for shopping and touristy sightseeing. Went boating, had a beer, saw the sunset, ate and shopped for random things.
This was my birthday night, and it is enough to say it was amazing. All that they did, and what they planned but couldn't do, it was simply moving.
Day 3.
A tormenting bus journey back to Udaipur later, we were just whiling away time.
Their train left at 6:30pm, and I felt sad and alone like I haven't in a long time.
Had 4+ hours to kill.

THE EXPERIENCE PART
I withdrew some money, found an auto, a friendly looking Muslim guy with a white beard. I asked him to take me to a decent place to eat where I could have my own booze, as I was carrying some. We roamed around for a bit as I tried to find out such a place from friends who'd come here before. Soon he just said, 'Aap gadee mein hi pee lo uske baad khane ki jagah le chalunga' . This found me opening my beer and him taking me on lonely, dingy and dark streets of Udaipur. The silence was getting to me so I started small talk.
His name was Mohinuddin. He had three children, two daughters and an infant son. Both his daughters went to school. He was able to save about Rs 100 in a day, the school fees took away a sizeable Rs 1000 a month for both kids, there wasn't much chance to save. The beer half done, I was suddenly overcome by the desire to eat with him. Without thinking I asked him if he would have dinner with me. He agreed asked me what I'd like to eat. I told him to go to one of his favourite places wherever it may be. So we started the journey into old Udaipur to a place called Hotel A Rahmani. He ordered ghosht for himself and I took chilli chicken. Served with rumali roti's, the meal was truly delicious.
We spoke about his family, when and why his ancestors came here. He told me of when he's nearly lost his sister in the Ahmedabad riots. I gained my knowledge on 'Namaz', it's customs and such trivia.
I asked him to ask me anything he wanted. He seemed hesitant, so I went on and told him about my family. He gave my sister (in absentia of course) his blessings (she's getting married) and asked about the boy. I told him this and that. I asked him how is the marriage custom in his house now, what if his daughter likes someone, what if that someone isn't Muslim, etc etc.
Nothing I didn't expect. But it was nonetheless a moving experience to sit at that table with him, listening to all he had to talk about.
The meal taken care of, we continued in the auto. I asked if Muslims commonly ate paan. He said yes with such glee that I proposed that we get one each. I was pleasantly surprised when he offered to pay for the paan, and I refused then, but now think perhaps I should have let him.
We continued till we reached a silent place next to the lake, with a beautiful view of the Jag Mandir and the Palace. Soon enough the conversation begun. He told me of how he'd tried to help a drunken man get home, only to see his clothes bathed in liquor, something prohibited by religion and the Quran. He told me of his beliefs, his guru, his run-ins with gundas, how they helped each other and the likes.
We sat for a long time, oft in spells of silence, drinking in the beauty in front, the moment, the inexplicable warmth of it all.
We spoke of many other things, and soon I figured it was time I should head back to the bus stand.
I asked him to start towards the bus stand and he began the slow nearly reluctant drive back. The feeling was mutual. We reached soon enough, and I asked how much I should give him. He said 'Jo aapke man ko theek lage'. Totally at a loss, yet wanting to be nice, I gave him much more than the bill could have been.
He looked at me with a warm smile, again wished me a happy birthday, and my sister a happy marriage, and rode away.

The simple happiness I felt I cannot compare,
now a days that feeling so pure and so rare,
it was a time that shall never fade from memory lane,
that little walk with him on a different plane.

I hope I have many more such exquisite experiences.

Comfort

2009-01-27T12:35:00.000-08:00

Yet again, I take on a path I am well versed with.
A path of remembrance,
of forgetting and forgiving,
of rediscovering life,
of smiling with tears in my eyes,
of lying still for hours,
weeping in the hollows of my mind.

A path I oft need to go on,
for the lack of life in me,
for the nothingness inside of me,
for the wastefulness of my life,
for the futility of it all.

A path of The Fountainhead,
a walk alongside Roark,
a dive off the high cliff,
a little talk with Gail,
some silent conversations with Dominique.

I go now to read the book of my life. My Fountainhead, The Fountainhead.

Issues

2009-01-27T08:10:00.000-08:00

Issue No 1. IIMA - Its flaws.
Sangharsh, a sports competition between IIM A, B and L (first timers) which was held at IIM A this year, came to a nail biting close two days back. It was a time when we forgot the normal days of cases, quizzes and what not, to live, eat, drink and sleep sports. THE event for sports lovers on campus, it is an event very close to heart for each IIMite, and is valued on those lines too.
Valued alas only by the students, at least from what was apparent in the apathetic and sadistic, if I may call it so, behaviour of IIM A's administration and faculty towards it.
I'll take the liberty of running you through what I'm talking about.
Saturday, Sangharsh begun in the morning with a few students having matches before and during classes. A little surprised, well no one in their right mind would even think that IIM A could cancel a day's worth of class now could they!!
Hold on; it gets better. What might you think we had in our minds at the end of classes? I can tell you what it wasn't, it wasn't a quiz. Now, an IIM A student not having 'quizzes' in his mind; unacceptable. So they decided to send a googly our way, holding a quiz, on a Saturday, despite the unwritten rule that there shall be no quizzes on Saturdays, IN THE MIDDLE OF SANGHARSH ESPECIALLY!!
What hurt the most was that it was taken for a course without a specified course component.
No, infact what hurt the most was the apathy, indifference and near happiness with which the relevant professor was explaining how the quiz came about to occur.
I cannot understand how an institute meant for some of the best of India, having some of the best brains of India as faculty doesn't quite realise the importance of non-academic activities as having a major contribution to the development of an individual. It is unbelievable how a premier institute like this can suppress all 'extra' curricular activites, forget about proactively taking some interest in them!
It doesn't irritate me as much as it pains me.

Issue No 2. Settling Down.
I have a major concern, albeit extremely premature and idiotic in nature; 'When, and with whom will I settle down?'.
If I had one wish this moment, it would be to have someone I love, booked for marriage with whom it WILL work out and I want it to work out etc etc.
It sounds and truly is quite lame, but I cant help it. I have had enough of a lot of things!
I just wish I could give all my love, emotion, care; my all to someone without any fear, something that I believe can only happen one last time now.

Issue No 3. Idleness.
Bigtime issue!
I am at the pinnacle of idleness despite having a lot to do in some ways and a lot I could do in others. Need enthusiasm, and it really isn't coming out right now. This is the most pressing one of all, and hope it's sorted asap.

It bothers my little brain,
all these things, this pain,
I do not like it, I wish it gone,
so I can be at peace on my own.
-----

2009-01-26T04:10:00.000-08:00

infinitely bored.
x(

Tired.

2009-01-22T11:04:00.000-08:00

I'm tired of everything!

Everlasting Love

2009-01-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

All about hoops, a ball, some rules and plays,
you have given me so many fun filled days.
You give me the freedom from life I so long for,
you help me mute the volume on life's daily war.

With you, I am myself, uninhibited, true, and free,
I care not for money, fame or any other stupidity.
That my love is pure, I know for I seek nothing from being with you,
yours is unconditional too, for you ask nothing but that I be with you.

You hurt me, you bleed me, you break me too,
for you I always buy the most expensive shoe,
and everyday, I wait to sweat an tire some more,
that much, far more infact, you, I adore.

Basketball - The only thing I'm sure I'm passionate about; I love you.
:)

Soulmate?

2009-01-19T10:23:00.000-08:00

In hard times, she is my pillar of strength,
from the sinful world, she is my refuge,
in desperation and loneliness, she is my friend,
in times of darkness, she is my guiding light.

There aren't many for whom I'd go the length,
of creating of love and care a maddening deluge.
A little small talk with her, wish it'd never end,
it leaves me so much at peace, serene and light.

It's confusing at moments, lucid at others.
She's the integral part of my life of fractions,
what I would do without her, I cannot envision,
for above all, it is the only abode of my purity.

I have a subtle fear, what if this too withers,
possible for all of life's anomalies and aberrations,
yet, I vow to not let this love come to a cessation,
it is my all - it is what heaven means to me.

Abhishek Agarwal.

Of Love, Nothingness and Me

2009-01-15T12:54:00.000-08:00

Nought more than a triviality was I,
in your highness's mundane life.
But a new toy to play with was I,
in your young princess's lonely life.
---
I could not bear upon myself to see,
the truth that I believe was my downfall,
the truth of what I didn't mean to thee,
the truth out in the open to one and all.

Yet today, my love you ask me to gaze,
upon what, I chose long before to not see,
which has been my pain in all those days,
when I was happily in bed with thee.

Gaze I have, and for very long too,
in the silent moments of the night,
Alas left with nothing more to do,
I gave up the will to fight.

Abhishek Agarwal

Third Term

2009-01-13T08:53:00.001-08:00

Been some time since I posted, so just thought I'll talk a bit on random things.
Third term at IIMA has begun and with it the feeling of the end of 'fuchchadom', as the torment of the first year here is lovingly called. Though initially much looked forward to, I have my reservations about how badly and if at all I completely look forward to the end. 'Tuchchadom' as the emptiness and nothingness of the second year is fondly called is traditionally something every fresher considers to be near nirvana like.
After a very harsh and stressful first year, the sentiment is not without reason. A year with barely any holidays, tons of classes and the simmer placements to mention a few things, it was a very full one. With the internship right after and then back to second year, the respite we all seek can be found only in the second year itself. A well deserved break it definitely is, and possibly one in which we can go on to dive into subjects and activities of our choice, something nearly not possible in the first year. I too in the midst of the madness of previous terms had made and still make grand plans or what all I intend to do in my extremely 'vella' second year.
Looking back however, I realize that the sheer amount and quality of what I've been taught, and the fraction of it which I've learnt, is outstanding to say the least. Another year of such value addition not limited to the academic sense could do wonders in making me far more wholesome. Without any shame I admit that I would rather have them give me another year of hell which in retrospect would be one of the two most formative years of my life. I say this with a overall perspective too. There will no doubt be several of a who manage quite skillfully to make the best of the second year learning as we go, but there would I'm sure be a vast majority as well who would just while it away.
As the instruments of change in the future I do think we can, rather should have a more responsible outlook and seek a year of learning than one of just nothing!
Temptations have always been hard to resist, but as was once said, if not us who, if not now when?
Amen.

2008-12-13T05:04:00.001-08:00

Now, I think I understand.

Forgiveness and Freedom

2008-12-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

It's been hard. It's been nearly a year since the first shock and I'm still not exactly over it and can't quite deal with it too well etc. A year back two things were happening at the same time. A major part of my life was being made while the other very important part was breaking down. The first part has shaped up pretty well I must admit, perfect too maybe while of the other not too much it left.
It's like someone even swept away the embers of the fire and left nothing but the cold and the dark ash. Though I've accepted by now what's happened and fortunately or not it's had major consequences on a few aspects of my personality, my beliefs, thinking about it is still the hardest thing and my biggest weakness.
Forgiveness.
I forgive her. I really think I do.
I mean, let's face it, it will ALWAYS be difficult for me to deal with, think about etc, but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her. I love her too much. She meant the world to me and that's a feeling that gets etched in stone and never fades away. Today, this very day, I would give all for things to have gone differently, but they didn't. She's somewhere, with the one she loves and a smile on her face. I think that's all I ever wanted for her, just that I'd hoped to be a bigger reason for and part of the smile.
But then, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
I love her, in my own millions of ways and I always will. I think she knows that and believes in that.
Freedom.
I am free.
Accepting and facing this properly was one of the hardest things for me and will possibly hold that pedestal for some time to come. But I'm still working on it. I believe I'm at a crossroads in life and it doesn't feel too right, or that's what some people say.
I am where I am, what I am.
I am going where I want to be, becoming who I want to be.
I'm in love. I'm learning to live with that, accepting that as a part of life while moving on in a weird way.
I am.
God, keep me strong.

Fun Day

2008-12-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

Had a nice day today. Got up for breakfast on time, then went back to sleep and slept through pretty much the whole day. Got up at 1630 and that in itself was a nice change, then was just chilling.
Started some whisky and hookah in my room with a couple of friends in the evening. Was having sheesha after so long it felt amazing. We then went out for dinner to Upper Crust, had some amazing baked chicken stuff with copious amounts of cheese (sigh!). Came back to campus and somehow landed up on the basketball court and joined in for a good game despite a stomach that looked fit to be two months pregnant. Got all sweaty and dirty (again) which completely made redundant my weekly bath (okay four days actually) I took in the afternoon.
But an amazing day. Had fun.
Cheers and hope many more like these come my way.
:)

Passion

2008-11-28T22:04:00.001-08:00

It's been a long time since my last post and a lot has happened since.
Life at IIMA seems half over post summer placements. Got the summer intern at Deutsche Bank.
I think the whole process helped me regain a lot of confidence in myself, the decisions I've taken in life and the person I am.
Don't mean that in an arrogant manner, but it cleared several gray areas for me.
Barely study now, preparing for classes is a joke. Good times are the order of the day.

Went to the Little Kutch desert and to Gir recently. In three days, I saw a sunset on the desert horizon, a lion and then a sunset over the ocean. A three days very well spent and a three days I won't like to forget. The company was amazing on the trips as well, has some awesome times, some serious times, some touchy feely times, tons of arbit times et al.

On the course of the trip, I developed a liking for beedi's (weird I guess). They are pretty nice and cheap. I'm just trying to do some research as to how they compare as a killing machine vis a vis cigarettes. This sort of makes it evident that the quit smoking campaign didn't go that well, but what the hell!!

Coming to what I basically wanted to talk about - Passion.
The trip(s) and a movie later, I had a question nagging me - What is my passion?
Let me define passion for a moment here, partially to clear my head maybe. Passion would be that one thing one wants to do in life. That one thing you could never say no to, that one thing that is a major reason and purpose of your life. The one thing that defines you and your life to a reasonable extent.
The problem - I can't seem to touch upon the thing I'm passionate about.
More importantly perhaps, the life I'm currently living is not one which will get me any closer to finding and pursuing it. I mean, what the hell, here I am doing an MBA, seeking a six figure salary, though thankfully in a field which interests me. This cannot be the purpose of life, I didn't go through all the crap that I have for this.
I spoke to someone close and asked her if she had any idea as to what I might be passionate about. She said - "Everything you do, you put your heart and soul in it and do with passion". Well if that is true I compliment myself and pat myself on the back for such an attitude, but I still lack that ONE passion.
I like a lot of things, don't know if I love any of them enough to make my life something revolving around them.
I spoke to my neighbour here in Dorm, a close friend too, and asked him his passion.
He said "Success". Can success bea passion. Not in my mind, but needless to say, I can be mistaken. That day, I did walk away saying "That's bullshit", and still think on the same lines.
Success is not a concern when you're passionate about something. The most failed dancers, singers, mathematicians, writers can still be passionate about those very things. Passion and success are two separate issues. Further does it even make sense to be passionate about 'success' as a 'thing'?

I'm still full of a lot of questions, trying to figure things out. Lets see where thought leads me.
Would really like you to comment with your opinion especially if you made the effort of reading through all of this.

Resolve Status

2008-10-30T03:02:00.000-07:00

2 days. 1 fag.
Good going.

Of Diwali, Resolves, Music

2008-10-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

Look your love has drawn red from my hands
From my hands you know you'll never be
More than twist in my sobriety..
Thus run the words of my latest find in music - A Twist in my Sobriety by Tanita Tikaram.
With an amazing voice, and an award winning video, this song by her is a winner.
Anyway, spent most of yesterday having a ball and studying at the same time. Watched two movies - Boondock Saints and Wanted. Both brilliant, the first being simply outstanding. Studied some Fin stuff so wasn't as non productive a day as I thought it might turn out to be. (today seems to be different :D ). The highlight, an hour of amazing music on YouTube with a few pegs of Rum.
That made me feel complete again.
Well come Diwali morning and ran to have breakfast. The first thought I had when I got up was 'Let's quit smoking'. Thus the resolve made, growing firmer but weaker still with every waking moment.
Been having a lot of fun lately, but I really think its time I get more serious. For everything else, 'you'll never be anything more than a twist in my sobriety'.

Free Hug Campaign

2008-10-25T09:42:00.001-07:00

Hi.
I intend to do a free hug campaign @ Mumbai / Delhi sometime. Interested people do contact me.
09724344200

just..

2008-10-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

bored. attempting to use time. tired. aching. enthused. later.

Beer

2008-10-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

Though I'd said this post would be about something, let's just leave that for later.
Had some beer today after quite a few days and it feels pleasantly nice. I was more on the alone mood today, drinking by myself, talking to myself et al.
See, the thing is, I've got a lot of things in life, I've achieved a lot, but when it comes to the thing i want(ed) the most, God just never lets the dice play my way. I feel that its like an option, get everything else, or get only what you want the most. I wish I could change the choice my 'soul' made before my birth. Cos it seems it made the wrong choice back there in ignorance and now I'm not too pleased about it.
You get the feeling you'd give up so much for that one thing (person; its way too obvious by now) but no matter what you do, it isn't happening. The helpless feeling, coupled with the power in other spheres of life leaves me all confused. It leaves me wondering a cliched thought 'why me'. But then I just guess it's common to a lot of us, it happens to a lot of us, it's a part of our learning, it's a part of life; a 'good' life.
It feels like a snail in a shell, to be at a pedestal in the world but knowing inside you that you think you're down in the dumps. It's so difficult to convince yourself that you are actually worth something, and not as much of a dirt particle as you think you are.
It's too much to fight continuously along with all the other battles of an everyday life, especially the significantly hard one I'm going through right now (read First Year @ IIM A)
I'm still trying, I see my blood, it strengthens me, I see my scars, they immune me, I see the future, it inspires me, I see my heart; and then I see you.

Love,
Always,
Abhi.

Sleeplessness, Mind Power

2008-10-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

This post is all about the sleeplessness witnessed in IIM A.
Its not for the most part about me, as I was never a sleep maniac before coming here either. I loved the days when I would sleep just four hours, using the others productively or otherwise. Thankfully, before joining I had a lot of those long working hour days and long meeting friends nights so sleep wasn't too much.
A look around and I can see the difference in the people around. Mostly so with those who are having their first hostel experiences or are non engineering, for lets admit it, hostel life; more so a engineering hostel life has late nights galore. Those fortuitous one's, or as they like to believe, who spent eight hours sleeping everyday, now call times like 2 am pretty early and sane.
It's amusing at the superficial, but on a slightly deeper level embeds my belief that the need for sleep is nothing but a self mind built need. Yes, the body does need a few hours of rest, but we grossly exaggerate this need more often than not.
Well I do admit I hate the concept of sleeping, and would much rather I could go on without. I do cherish those occasional lazy naps (especially given their infrequency of late), but I'd just rather have that as an option.
This leads me on to one of my favorite topics for deeper discussion - that most of what we believe is in our minds.
coming up - next post.

Placements Approach...

2008-10-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

I just came back from a wonderful game of basketball, which incidentally my team lost, but hell that doesn't matter. Just playing, on the court, with the ball in my hands felt orgasmic!! Yes, that would give you an idea of how much I get to play my favorite sport here.
Well anyway, coming to more pressing issues, I have four classes tomorrow, spread through the day, so as to ensure there is no way I can get any other work done. Damn! And let's not even get to the amount of preparation needed for those classes.
Summer placements are approaching as well and that pressure just keeps mounting. With the markets in the dastardly condition they are, all of us are just 'scared sick' to be mild. But yet, the curriculum just wouldn't allow any leeway to enable us to focus on preparations a little at least.
Its getting harder and harder with each day, longer cases, more classes, approaching exams, quiz tensions, stupid and not so stupid assignments, the longer spells of dryness, I think you get the picture.

All said and done, yet I find myself addicted to this place. Loving each day, living it, or at least trying to, to the hilt. Knowing more, about stuff, about people and most importantly I guess, about myself. It's a journey I believe unparalleled and 'exotic'.
The quest goes on and the thirst lingers,
its time to put to better use these fingers,
to write some reports, solve some cases,
trying to come up with some solid aces.

I realize now I suck a lot at rhyme,
no problem, it just wont get me that dime,
I shouldn't go on, but i guess i will,
for the fire in me is burning still.
the fire in me, burn forever it will.

Diu Trip, New Term

2008-09-22T02:19:00.000-07:00

So just done with the first days classes of Term II at IIM A.
Had gone to Diu for a 2 day trip with a few friends from campus. Had some amazing fun times, clicked so many pictures, made friends with a turtle and a whole lot of crazier stuff.
But time now to get back into the grind and ready to slog and be flogged again. Happily refreshed so no issues regarding that I think.
Cheers, lets see what this term has to offer.

IIM A, One Term Down

2008-09-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

Well, Im one-sixth of an MBA now..
its been helluva ride these past few months...not just the studies and the workload, but otherwise, my thoughts, mental processes blah blah..
i guess a lot in me has changed since then. not too sure if one would say its all for the better or for the worse..
i bought myself a MacPro, an iPhone, n a Canon 40D, somethings iv wanted since a very long time
:)
i guess they make up a huge part of my life (do i sound nerdy; apologies, its just pure love)
then this girl, lets just call her A.
going through some weird, nice, irritating, loving stuff...and have no idea where the heck thats going..but whatever..
the one diff i noticed is that now im here, i sorta wanna study unlike back in iit, where i just hated course material.
been drinking n smoking a lot. like a LOT>
and yea, i won a photography competition here..

how does it feel to be in the hallowed portals of the place u dreamt of being....
it feels brilliant. it feels being let down. it makes u wanna cry n hug urself. it makes u think nothing is impossible.
but most of all, i think it doesnt feel.
here, the 'difference' or the 'wantedness' seems to disappear into the mist. we'r all a crowd, screwing our asses in the same courses, fucking up the same exams...we're all the same..

im happy to be here, i CAN see perhaps why it is what it is.

My First Post

2008-01-16T02:35:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess iv come a reasonably long way from hating the art of blogging to finally coming down to having a blog of my own. Im not at all clued up on Blogging "Etiquette" if there is any such thing, so please comment critically and liberally (wat i do to u, we will see later :P )

Anyway, was just bored of reading the newspaper n listening to RHCP, so though i mite as well 'type' some of my nonsensical thoughts down.

Came across a very interesting video today - Right Now, by Van Halen (he who needs no introduction). Did made me ponder for a a bit on the questions of sorts it raises.
i do recommend u to go n hv a look at it on YouTube.

I dont think ill be able to be regular here, until i quite get over my mental block against it, and get down to actually emptying my mind here. Il b back soon though :)

Damn it looks quite nice, the theme n all :) , i just mite b gettin addicted :P